“Will ye also go away?”

Belief is a choice. We choose what we believe, whether we’re aware of those moments of choice, or not.

I taught a Relief Society lesson today, and based it on Elder Soares’ talk from General Conference (since these talks are what all our RS lessons are now based on), In Awe of Christ and His Gospel. It’s a very good talk. I asked people what inspires these feelings of awe in them – answers included nature, the stars/night sky, our bodies, considering the mission and love of Jesus Christ, and poetry/scriptures. I pointed out that for these things to truly lead to awe for Christ and His Gospel, specifically, we need to connect them to that.

All humans feel awe at the grandeur, power, or beauty of nature – but not everyone connects that to God. If I wonder at how my body operates and can heal itself, I feel a much deeper wonder – and one which leads to what Elder Soares says that it needs to – when I think of God giving me this life, creating the first human bodies, and making it possible for each body to exist; clothing our spirits with them – and having created, first, our spirits from the wondrous matter of light.

This is similar to how we can look at the universe – the complexities of its operation, the beauty of its appearance, the perfection of its aspects. We experience awe when we consider that God created all of this; that He has the understanding to do so, and did it so His other creations – like us – could live in it and fill it, and create more beauty and goodness.

It is a choice, and one could say that it doesn’t confirm that it’s true. But we either choose to believe that God did these things, and is the source of this wonder, or that it’s all coincidence. It’s still a choice. Not seeing these connections doesn’t confirm that it’s not true.

We choose, because we’ve first gathered enough evidence to prove to ourselves that it is true. That the Gospel is the correct representation of reality; that the Church we belong to is the one that has the authority and power to lead us to salvation. Once we’ve done that – proven to ourselves – then we need to protect that choice. Because it’s all a choice, and remaining open to opposing choices isn’t a more noble position. The work of choosing to believe has already been done, and we’ve gained sufficient knowledge for it. Our work afterwards becomes moving forward on this path that we’ve chosen, not wondering continually whether it’s the right one. In that way, we’ll never make it any distance down any useful path, except the one of doubt. To accomplish something and get somewhere, we need to choose a path, after careful deliberation, and trust our choice. (While not being stubborn or ignoring evidence that would change that decision – but it’s a very delicate thing, recognising what is actually evidence like this and what is not).

That’s why we need to protect our decision – because our emotions and moods change. To not be at the whim of these moods, we keep connecting what we experience to what we know of God, and so learn more about Him and ourselves. We keep learning about His plan and works, and entrust ourselves fully to Him.

It’s not blindness or stubbornness, but trust and respect; faith and love. There are innumerable things we could potentially choose in life; to stay sane, and accomplish anything, as I’ve said, we have to distinguish between those options and make our choices. Then stand by them, or life would be impossible. It’s not ignoring contrary evidence, if it arises; nor giving credence only to what feels comfortable and aligns perfectly with what we already believe. It means chooosing a path upon which we then continue, our choices being now how to live well upon that path, not whether the path is true.

This only works, of course, for that which is genuinely true and good. We must remain open to contradictions and the possibility of having chosen incorrectly – but not in a fearful, always-questioning way; not always wondering if we did, or trying to find that out. We made that choice, with all the knowledge we had. If all the knowledge we currently have continues to affirm that our choice is correct, then we’re being honest, humble, and aware, and courageously continuing to choose what our best knowledge tells us is true.

So when a doctrine is hard (most aren’t, in the sense of being hard to accept – the difficulty usually lies in it being hard to live by, due to human weakness and desires), or I don’t understand something fully, I maintain what I’ve already decided is true, and keep doing the things that I’ve said I will: participating in the Church, studying the scriptures, praying with faith, acting as proxy in temple ordinances, etc. As I do this, enlightenment comes to my mind/heart/spirit, because I’ve shown faith(fulness) and humility. There are always rewards for that. The whole point of this life is to live by faith – to choose between right and wrong, God and Satan or our natural selves, light and darkness, love and hate. In fact, not only to choose between those things, but to choose the right thing. To choose God, love and light.

I feel like Peter and his fellow apostles, when many of Christ’s disciples had left Him, because they were disappointed with what He said – the truth being too hard for them, or them not understanding it. Jesus asked his apostles, ‘Will ye also go away?’, and Simon Peter responded, ‘Lord, to whom shall we go? Thou hast the words of eternal life.’

This is, in fact, exactly how I feel.

Anyone can know, if they want to. Anyone can find out. It takes lots of, and continual, effort, courage, patience, humility, and so forth. But it can be done. Anyone can get there, and anyone can retain that knowledge and faithfulness. We choose to, or not to. Whether the choice not to is because it’s hard, or there are other things you want, or your cultural perspective becomes more important. Truth hasn’t changed, and you haven’t just uncovered something that was always there. You’ve chosen to do, to not do, to seek and to believe in whatever it is. We get the rewards of our efforts.