The Frantic Quest

We’re all, it seems, trying to prove ourselves good enough to each other: smart enough, successful enough, kind enough, talented enough, dedicated or brave enough. Enough to be accepted, admired, loved, appreciated, chosen, left alone, or believed.

And yet, none of us is really any of these things. We’re not beautiful or kind or brave enough. We can’t even prove ourselves to be these things, because however a person views another is up to them. We keep trying to, though, because we think that’s what we have to do. We think that how others view us, or whether they accept us, determines our worth or our fate – and if they see us as we are: broken, halting, always still trying, then no one will like us. We won’t be good enough – for them.

Why do we care so much? Why do we think we have to prove ourselves in this way to others, who are also here, doing the same thing we are? We know we’re lacking in many areas, still on our journey through life, so why do we think we need to pretend for others to accept us? The fact is, although we admire accomplishment and talent, and are therefore attracted by them, we love people when our hearts are drawn out to them. That happens most easily when others need our help; when we can feel a kinship with them that this life is hard, that we’re not good enough for what we want to be, and that we need a friend. What we all need, most of all, is understanding.

Admiring someone isn’t love. It might lead to it, but is not it. We can easily admire people without loving them – and it often turns to envy, instead. Love is acting for another, sacrificing for their happiness or safety, supporting and encouraging them, pointing out the truth to them, and being kind when they’re showing their brokenness and weakness. This should be obvious when we remember that love comes from God, and God loves because He is loving; He doesn’t love us because we are good enough, which we certainly aren’t. God wants our eternal happiness and joy. He sees our lack, and wants to fill it. He sees our potential, and moves heaven and earth to help us gain it. That is love.

The scriptures teach us that we shouldn’t glory in ourselves, because what do we have that we haven’t been given? What is there in us to glory in? Only that we are God’s, and He is wholly good. We all fall short, we’re all still trying, and we’re all completely on our own without God. It is through Him that we have hope.

Instead of worrying what others think of us and working so hard to prove that we’re worthy of their regard, or just that we’re living a good life with few problems – “Look at me; I’m all together” – we could let our guard down and admit we don’t have it all together, that we are weak and tired and uncertain, that we have un-brave thoughts and keep failing at things, and that we don’t know which direction to take.

Then, we’d love each other so easily, because our compassion would be drawn out, almost involuntarily, and we would want to help each other. In helping each other, we would all find the help we need. We would no longer lack so much, but be supported – not because we’re so good and admirable, or striving to be, but because we need each other, and that has drawn out our love.

Wouldn’t that be a better way?