Delicate salvation

There is a lesson I keep forgetting, and keep being taught, over and over. What lesson? The lesson that the test that is this life is not a test to see if I can succeed on my own. Rather, it’s a test to see whether I will turn to God in my time of need, whether I will take Christ’s yoke upon me, whether I’ll believe Him, believe in Him and work with Him to overcome my weaknesses and become an instrument in His hands for good. I’m not meant to do it alone – God won’t do it for me, but neither can I do it on my own. It seems this life is meant to be a partnership, with Christ. I keep thinking that I’m getting it wrong. I feel as though the scores are stacking up against me and that I’m failing this test of mortal life. But then I realise that I’m seeing it wrong…the Lord, I feel, looks at my efforts (or lack of) with mercy, love, understanding, patience and unfailing kindness. I, on the other hand, look at those efforts far too often from an imperfect, harsh, human point of view, calculating instead of loving. God is loving. In those moments when I’m humbled, what I feel is love and gentle rebuking for looking at my efforts this way – and for not trusting enough in God. I am to work with Him every step of the way and learn to trust Him implicitly. The Saviour doesn’t save  in ‘one fell swoop’ at the end of the day. He saves us little by little, throughout each day. There’s so much in us to change, to save, and it takes time and precision to take each strand within us and thread it right; a type of lifelong keyhole surgery.